


The Many Faces of the Man Who Never Dies

by cuddlyharkness



Series: Many Faces, Many Moods [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jack Feels, Jack Harkness Backstory, Jack Has Issues, M/M, Mental Breakdown, POV Jack Harkness, Past Relationship(s), Post-Episode: s08e10 In the Forest of the Night, Self-Harm, Temporary Character Death - Jack Harkness, post-Miracle Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3133253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyharkness/pseuds/cuddlyharkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Harkness is a man known for his flirtation, happiness, and his obsession with the Doctor. But this happens many many years later, when the facade of the man has long since crumbled away, and left but a shell filled to bursting with self-hate and sorrow. Perhaps, all he needs, is A Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Face of Lethargy

I remember seeing the sky alight with fire, seeing the world blaze like some kind of fireball in the blackness of the galaxy. The stars moved away from Earth as it burned, and I watched as the flames burned out to show the distinct blue and green orb the universe remembered.

In the back of my mind, the word "Doctor" surfaced. It grew and grew. It floated around my skull, buzzing like a hive or upset hornets, demanding my attention like it had so long before. With it came the disease. The desperation to run to the alien I hadn't seen in thousands of years. The longing to see his face, new or old, and to hold him in my arms so tightly he could never leave me again. The anger at being left behind so many years before. The passion, the fear, the sorrow...but then it all ceased. 

I turned away from the Earth, and the sun, and the stars. I looked back into the imitation neon lights of this planets bar, and I bought out enough hyper vodka to intoxicate and kill an entire species. Of course, I was given strange looks. Anyone who buys that much alcohol, and then retreats to their place of residence, is bound to be looked at like some kind of crazy person. And I didn't care. All I did was drink. 

I drank until I could no longer feel anything. Until I could feel my organs struggling to bear the alcohol in my blood stream. I wasn't even sure if I still had blood, considering how high my alcohol levels were. Regardless, I accomplished what I wanted. My organs eventually failed, and with it I lost the ache in my chest where my heart should have been. Strange, how much just a simple thought of a man you loved and desired and wanted all you could for, could break you. Could take your fragile heart, and smash it like the glass that fell from my hand. 

I wasn't wanted by him. I was a fixed point, you know. A disgusting, annoying, shouldn't-be thing. He couldn't want me, it was in his nature to push me away and away until I was out of sight and out of mind. Truth be told, I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't want me either. I suppose this makes me seem like a coward, and rightly I don't give a damn. There's really only so much you can take before you just accept that you're useless. That you're nothing but a thing that shouldn't even exist. 

I really don't remember how long it had been since the day I started to hate myself. Perhaps it was the day the last of my friends, MY companions, had been put in the ground. I really don't care to think about it, just another waste of energy at this point. I've stopped trying to remember. I don't remember how long I lay, dead and cold, on that floor. But I do know that when I woke, I wasn't where I had been before. 

I was in a bed, somewhere safe and warm, somewhere sickeningly comfortable and so much better than I deserved. I never questioned it, though. I was too tired to bother. I noticed faintly the sensation of a warm coat, not my own I should say, atop the blankets, as if sheltering me from the world. Later I would take notice it was some kind of...magician's coat. At least that's what I could assume, based on the style. 

I remember, before I fell into the depths of unconsciousness again, the feeling of someone watching me. Somewhere in the room, there was another life form. Something with the aura of concern, and the feeling of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. They were observing me, I could tell. Watching my breathing patterns, monitoring my life signs...whatever they were doing, I couldn't be bothered to lift my head from the soft cotton pillow beneath my head. I could hardly be bothered to open my eyes.

I didn't look up, I didn't move. All I did was fall asleep, into a dreamless darkness, to the faint sound of an oddly familiar and yet very different bio-mechanical hum. The distinct "vworp vworp", as it sounded, was the last thing I heard before I drifted off.


	2. The Face of Ambivalence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The years of bottling away contradicting emotions take their toll on Jack's response to the Doctor.

When I woke, the room was still dark. Artificial darkness, I knew, because the lights from under the two doors in the room gave it away. It was a familiar setting, and somewhere in the back of my mind I could remember this room, even if I couldn't entirely see it. 

The floor was cold when my feet touched down, doing little to warm up the constant chill my body felt while I made my way to the door. I silently left the room, and I was greeted with a bright, long hallway outside. Part of me knew the layout, even if I didn't want it to, and soon enough I found myself in the control room of the TARDIS. Unexpectedly, a voice I knew well spoke up, though the pitch and tone was different. 

"Good, so you remember the way here. Thought you'd be sleeping all day, or that you would end up lost." A man, not without his newly acquired wrinkles and silvered hair, was easily recognized as the Doctor. I could only tell because of his noticeably young eyes, burning with the destructive nature of the Oncoming Storm, and his youthful movements. Standing by the control panel, I could never have expected he would have THAT face...I held my tongue, however. This was not the time for questions. 

The second thing I noticed was the TARDIS interior. She wasn't mystical or whimsical anymore, nor was she mildly magical and technological. No, now she was just alien. Advanced and horribly decorated, lacking any quality to tell about her previous appearances. Nevertheless, she was still herself, just like he was still the Doctor.

"Of course I still remember...." I muttered, watching as the man mocked a salute, and for a moment I wanted to salute back. But no, instead my emotions, mixed and mashed together, boiled over like a pot of water left on the stove too long. And I swung my fist at him, a firm slugger that hit him square in the jaw. He went to say something, but before he could even say "ow", he was in my arms, held so tightly I was afraid I was going to crush him. He held still, and I noticed I was shaking.

"What. What is that. No, stop that. Jack! Your eyes are leaking!" He stated, and I knew I was crying. But I didn't care, and his words and protests went unanswered. Eventually, he pried away my grip, and I wiped the tears from my face. He helped me to sit down, and questioned if I was okay.

"No. No, I'm not...I'm either dead, or hallucinating..." He only shook his head, and handed me his sonic (a new model, I noticed). 

"Go on, scan me. I'm real, you're alive. Setting 87 if you aren't convinced." I tested his words. The sonic buzzed, and I read the readings. He was being honest. He took back his sonic then, and stood upright. "You know, that was a damn fool thing you did back there. Nobody drinks that much hyper vodka...were you trying to kill yourself?" He got his answer, when I said nothing his eyes softened. "Come on...let's go get you to the medical bay...we need to examine you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'ts been a while since I've posted anything, and for anyone waiting on the latest chapter of "If Smaug Liked Bilbo..." I'm working on getting it done, I've been suffering from writer's block if that's any consolation


	3. The Face of Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack hated medicine. He always had, always thought that when someone put him on medication, it meant he was crazy. "Crazy pills" he would call them. But the Doctor was having none of that, Jack needed the help it could give.

Part of me should have felt guilty for how I had acted, for how I did such a thing to myself. But no part of me did. I had every intention to do enough damage so that it couldn't be repaired, so that I would be forced to stay dead, floating around in the blackness forever. And I believe that became clear to the Doctor as he scanned me in the medical bay, and saw just how much damage had been done not just then, but in the past too. 

"Bloody Hell, Jack..." He muttered, looking over the reading for what seemed the millionth and one time. For the past twenty minutes, he'd been scanning me and rescanning me to make sure he wasn't the crazy one, a look of pure disbelief on his face. Perhaps he was concerned, or amazed, or maybe just sad. There was no way to know for certain, there was never a way to know for certain with the Doctor. Not anymore, at least not for me.

He said nothing as he dug around in one of the many cabinets of the medical bay, various bottles of medication falling out in his search. Stomach pills, tissue regrowth medications, vitamins, etc., all tumbling down to the floor as he tried to find a certain thing. He grumbled to himself, a habit I assumed had never changed, as he had always done that for as long as I'd known him. Eventually he found what he was searching for, three distinct bottles. 

The TARDIS, in all her kind graces, provided me with a glass of water as the Doctor put one pill from each bottle in my hand. He still said nothing. I almost thought he'd forgotten how to talk.

"So...I'm on crazy pills now?" I questioned, and for a while I could have agreed if he'd have said I needed them. Maybe I was just mental, my behavior for the past few years would certainly be enough proof to commit me to an asylum for life. Again, the Doctor said nothing, simply waited. I downed whatever the medication was when I figured out that he wouldn't tell me anything else until I had. The pills tasted oddly like bananas, a nice taste to cover up the stale alcoholic twang that remained on my tongue. I felt like I was going to be sick for a brief moment, assuming this was because of the medicine I look at the man in front of me.

"They aren't crazy pills. They're going to soak up all that left over alcohol and repair the damage done to your organs." He finally said, and with a sigh he put the bottles in his pocket. 

"Good...last thing I need is you thinking I need special pills." I muttered, attempting to climb off the examination table. This, as I found out quickly, was a horrible idea. I was in the floor before I knew what happened, and I was extremely tired and dizzy. The Doctor helped me up onto my feet, and allowed me to lean on him for support. 

"Forgot to mention, that third pill was a heavy sedative. Best I get you to the bedroom so you can rest and let the medication work. Don't need you drooling on the floor." I never heard much after that except muffled garbles and noises that sounded as if I were under water, and soon after there was just darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things here. Exams are over and done with for now, and I can get back to writing without stressing myself out over test :)


	4. The Face of Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor doesn't hate Jack. He never did, and this is his best shot at showing the glum captain that he cares. Jack certainly didn't expect this when he woke up that morning.

When I woke, my eyes were struggling to adjust. I felt numb, those pinprick tingles running across my skin and muscle tissue every time I attempted to move. Everything was a drowsy blur for the moment, although I began to notice the distinct texture of something soft and fluffy. Three...four...five...what the Hell is that? Six? I couldn't tell what these strange masses of fluff were until I finally managed to open my eyes and let them focus. 

I definitely wasn't expecting to be greeted by the faces of a litter of kittens. All their bright eyes wide and their tails wiggling as they stared at me with the affection only pets could feel for an owner. And there, at the foot of the bed, was The Doctor. The mother cat, I assumed, was perched on his shoulders like some bizarre parrot. 

"G'morning, Captain! It's you're cuddly wake-up call!" The Time Lord's eyes were alight with some unknown form of determination, and for the first time in forever I couldn't stop myself from smiling. While I watched The Doctor, the kittens found themselves comfortable spots on the blankets, and subsequently, on my lap, and a chorus of rumbling purrs erupted from the masses of soft fur while I did my best to pet them all respectively. 

"Doctor...did you do this, just to try and cheer me up?" I asked, the Time Lord taking a seat next to me and petting the mother cat as she sat in his own lap. I could see the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile.

"Maybe I did...you're still my companion, Jack. I hate seeing my companions upset, especially if there's something I can do to fix it," He said, and for a moment I let myself remember how much I loved this man. For just a moment, I fell back into my memories. And I found those strong feelings I'd struggled to suppress so long ago. 

I realized then, something that would change my thought process for years to come. This wasn't the same Doctor. The same soul, yes, but not the same Doctor. It was the same alien I traveled with, loved, and protected so many times in so many ways, even if he didn't know I had. 

"Thank you, Doctor...it means a lot that you'd do so much for me." My voice cracked, I know it did. But I didn't cry. No, I was smiling. I was smiling because I was safe, because I had fluff-ball kittens purring and happy to be near me. 

I was smiling because, at my weakest and most pathetic state, the Doctor showed that he still cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, its been a while since I've updated this. I do hope this is acceptable, I just now managed to write the chapter. I hope you all enjoy. :)


	5. The Face of Merriment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's recovery has been going smoothly. And now the Doctor make some form of a move on the captain we all know and love.

It's been a while now since the Doctor's kitten wake-up call, about a month actually. My recovery is going well, so he tells me, and that's good news. I don't feel as dark anymore, nor do I feel the urge to find something in the blackness of death. But daily tasks are still troublesome for me, like getting up and eating. Some days its almost impossible, others its fairly easy. I feel bad when I can’t eat much after the Doctor takes the time to cook, even though the TARDIS can just poof up a meal. I tried not to read too much into it, though, just in case it was nothing special.

The Doctor says its normal for me to have ups and downs, that my recovery is going to be slow and it's going to be hard to function properly again for a while. He's put me on a regimen of medication, mostly sleep aids at night and something to keep me from falling asleep during the day. There's a few other things added in the mix, like anti-depressants and antibiotics to continue the process of healing my insides. It won't be long, he said, until I can stop taking the antibiotics and the sleep medications. I'll be glad when that day comes, oh will I ever. I never liked taking medicine. It always felt unnecessary.

That’s not why I’m happy today, though. Today I’m happy because the Doctor took me out to dinner. Not a homemade dinner, not just swinging by and coming home. He took me to an actual restaurant, at least four stars from what I could tell based on the food. I might even call it a date, in fact, I think I will.

The Doctor took me on a date. Surprising how good it feels to say that. I don't remember where we went, and I don't care to remember. I do remember that it was a lovely place.  
The room we were seated in was lit with candles, not artificial light fixtures as most places are. The waiter was nice, a very humanoid looking purple alien with six arms and three eyes, and a very pleasant voice and a rather flirtatious nature. His name escapes me, though I'm sure he told us, I was just too focused on a certain Time Lord to remember. 

The meal went by like any normal meal, except I noticed something. Or rather, I noticed an action. The Doctor kept frowning when the waiter would make some form of flattery. Now, usually I'm the one receiving the reprimands for flirting, not bystanders. Of course, I could have simply been seeing things, and for a while I thought I was, until the end of the date. 

"So, captain. What do you think? Too much? It's too much, isn't it? I always go too over the top on the first..." The Doctor questioned, his gaze ever firm as he watched me. I could have imagined it, but I thought I heard a sense of worry in his voice. 

"Its nice. Not too much, no." I smiled. I'd been doing a lot more of that lately, as the Doctor had pointed out. I liked being able to smile sincerely again.

"Good good. I'm glad...now, I have a question for you."

"Besides the one you just asked?" I wasn't intending to be funny, but he laughed anyway. You wouldn't imagine a man like him would laugh at unintentional jokes.

"Yes, besides that one...after the time you've been recovering...well, rather after the time you've been back in the TARDIS...or perhaps...well...no, that's not it, no no...uh..." Now I think I should say that the Doctor has never been one to stammer or stutter. In fact, just the opposite. He's known for fast rambling and being able to recite words forwards, backwards, left, right, up, and down in all tenses and meanings. So this was the first clue that something was up, brewing in the heart of the Oncoming Storm. I needed to know what.

"Doc, slow down...what are you trying to ask me?" I stated, watching him closely enough to notice that, to my surprise, he was dusted pink right to the tips of his ears. Discovery time, Time Lord's can blush.

"Jack. Honestly speaking, what do you think of me now? This regeneration, I mean.."

"You're old, wise, and inconceivably smart." I replied, tilting my head as he shook his head.

"I meant...oh, never mind. It's not important, I was just being silly..." He sighed. The Doctor doesn't sigh, unless he's winded. 

"You're like an oak tree...wrinkled and lined, but no less beautiful than I've ever seen you before...you mean like that?" 

What came after that was surprising, albeit not entirely unexpected. The dinner, the date, the blushing and stammering...I wasn't surprised, but by God was I happy. After years and years of hoping and dreaming, pleading to some ancient being, my dreams were coming true. 

The Doctor actually kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I'm glad I managed to get this chapter out. I really am sorry for the long drop between this chapter and the last one.


	6. The Face of Denouement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With time come to pass, Jack's recovery leaves us with the finale of this part of our tale.

There once as a time in my life that I struggled. A time where, at my lowest point, I thought the world was simply trying to push against me. A time where, among all the vastness of space, the man I thought hated me most saved me from a life of self-destruction and self-pity. That time is over now. 

Now I start a new point in my life. A point where I, though broken and battered as I may be, from where I was left out in the storm and forgotten, left to rust with my thoughts and to wallow in the deepest depths of Hell as the rain and weather beat me down time and time again, can start anew. Where I can spring forth like the beautiful plains of Earth’s Scottish countryside, happy and free and just alive. Where I can feel the wind on my face as I open doors of the bluest blue, and take the hand of a being I once thought to be the worst kind of person. 

Though time tugs against me still, though my feet are still heavy from walking and my heart is still sunken deep inside my chest, weighed down by the loss I have face, I can stand upright and I can smile in the face of all my troubles. With him next to me now, his arms always open and welcoming me back to the TARDIS, back Home, I can face anything the galaxy has to throw at me and laugh like I used to. 

The day has come where I feel like myself again, and the night will come where I can lay awake, listening to the gentle thud of two strongly beating hearts in the silence of a bedroom laced with the smell of lavender and love. And I will smile. My sorrow is still there, a rock in the ever flowing tide of the universe, but it is only the first of many obstacles The Doctor has helped me overcome. 

I will smile as I wake up every morning, and see either that ancient being nestled comfortably under the warmth of the duvet or hear the faint sound of levers and buttons being pushed and smashed on the control panel in one of his feverish little dances to send us sometime or somewhere different. In my head, time beats slowly, ebbing and flowing and there I will stand in the center of the current, fixed and immovable just like Bad Wolf made me. 

Time marches on. Life goes on. And I’m lucky enough to have been shown that, and to have been taught to enjoy it. I end this tale now, and start a new one tomorrow. After all, I can’t keep my Doctor waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final part of this particular set of chapters, though I may well start a sequel to it in the future. It's been a while since I updated it, and I had very little inspiration, so I'm going to leave it here. Enjoy, my friends. Enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is probably a bad idea to start a second multi-chapter fic, but I'm gonna do it anyway since I really like how this one sounds so far. I just hope I don't end up abandoning it in favor of the other one. Perhaps I can keep them both updated at least semi-regularly. Oh well, I hope you all enjoy!


End file.
